Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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