She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
