I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
