yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
