Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
