Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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