he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
