i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
