On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
