i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
