No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
