my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
