my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
