remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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