you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
