I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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