dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
