not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
