when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
