If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
