My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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