Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
