Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
