I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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