And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
