As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize