Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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