Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
