you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
