i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
