Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
