This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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