i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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