He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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