Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
