he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize