its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
