he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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