I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
