he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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