on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
