I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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