I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
