I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
PANTIES FOUND
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
