Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

(360): View more from Washington

I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I wish his dick was as long as his hair.

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(440): View more from Ohio

From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.

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(518): View more from New York

Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.

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