apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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