I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
