My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
