3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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