When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
