My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
