I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
