lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
