I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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