At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize