Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
