every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize