dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can't talk, ducks in the car
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
