return my video game
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
