did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
