i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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