Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
