R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
