I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
