If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
