I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Panties = found
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