Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
