I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
