I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
