It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
