He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
