I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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