I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
third nipple confirmed
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
